Saturday, January 31, 2009


so after my terrible, soul-draining week last week, this week was better. still exhausting, but much less destructive on my brain.

first, a warning. a life lesson if you will. don't ever, under any circumstance, read marley and me. ever. i sat on the couch crying my eyes out. over a book. i was sobbing and i couldnt breathe through my stuffed up nose. really, it was a wonderful book, but in the end, heart-shattering.

i had another wedding dream. they are waking me up and stressing me while i sleep, so much that i cant even fall back asleep. this time i had the wrong dress (which is a step up from the last dream, where i had no dress at all, just workout clothes). my minister didnt show up, so naturally, grandma sue performed the ceremony. and of course it was in my parents' backyard. i didnt have my vows, so jesse wrote them for me. and to top it all off, we had the reception at subway. hmmm....

i had some wonderful girlfriends come over and help me with invitations this week, which was amazing. i hope they know how grateful i am, and the stress and worry that they've saved me. i cant even express my gratitude.
in case anyone was unaware of how awesome i am, please review the following:



how excellent am i?! i put it together all by myself! without crying or injury! granted, it took me like an hour, but i'd say thats still pretty much a success! on sale for twenty bucks at target today!

tomorrow i'm going to start my february blog goal, we'll see how far it takes me.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


basically, i'm never going to sleep again. i had a wedding nightmare last night. all of my friends from high school were all getting married on the same day and we were all getting ready in a rec room and i had nothing. no dress, no jewelry, no marriage license, no ring bearer pillow, no makeup, nothing. i was freaking out and bawling and no one seemed to care. then i woke up.
this week has been very trying. i'm so sick of dealing with incompetence that i could scream. i'm tired of rearranging my life for other people, only to be continually let down. i'd like to say that i'm done doing things for other people, when i know that it doesnt matter to them, because i'm only a stone to be stepped on, but i know that i'm not. i'll never be done because i, as well as everyone else, know better. i care too much about things that i shouldnt, because other people do.
my new years resolution was to do more things for myself. which sounds terrible, but i thought it was pretty worthwhile. i'm always running around doing things for others, never anything for myself. so i thought i'd give it a shot. turns out, i dont even have time to take a shower, let alone do anything else for myself.

wedding stuff is really killing my brain right now. i'm excited to get married, but i'm much more excited to BE married. all this stuff leading up to it, the planning, the calling, the PAYING, the everything, is exhausting. i cant do it all myself, but i have a problem that i really cant, and wont, ask people for help. i know its my fault that i'm this exhausted because i wont ask for help, but i hate it. jesse has helped a little, which is great. i dont expect him to be all into this stuff like i am, but what he's done so far has been nice.

today is a day for me. even though all i'm going to be doing is wedding stuff, i'm going to spend time with me. no customers, no grocery store, no phone. i'm going to try and make teriyaki chicken for lunch and see how it turns out. and i'm going to listen to the music i want, and watch the movies i want, with no one else's opinions.

i suppose thats all for now. my brain and heart feel a little lighter getting that all out. i'm off to make more invitations. maybe they'll be done by our honeymoon...

oh yeah, since i've been crazy busy and not blogging lately, i'm going to set another blog goal for myself. who knows if i'll be able to make it to the computer everyday in february, but i'm going to try. february will be a month of lists. of my favorite things, of life goals, and of anything i can think of. we'll see how i do.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

let down.

i'm feeling really torn lately. i'm in the middle of everyone's everything, getting it from all sides. really, its always been this way, but moreso now than usual.

i dont think its okay to be treated this way. you can't treat your supposed best friend like nothing and pretend that you're okay with it. you're not, and i know it. buck up and do something about it, before its lost forever.

Saturday, January 3, 2009


finally, i saw twilight yesterday. overall, i enjoyed it. i was extremely disappointed that my favorite line from the book didn't make it to the movie.
"do i dazzle you?"

i love edward. i was also disappointed that at one point, edward's volvo had an oregon license plate. like us washintonians arent going to notice? come on hollywood, we might be public-school educated rednecks, but we're not THAT dumb. i laughed in places that were meant to be serious, especially with jasper, because his facial expressions crack me up. my favorite thing about the movie was that charlie wore a mariners shirt and drank rainier beer :) i also loved when bella dropped her apple and edward was beautiful and dazzling and caught it.

can't wait for new moon...they better stick with taylor lautner for jacob, or alot of people, myself included, will be very angry. i cant wait until the part where he cuts his hair. men with hair longer than mine arent too appealing.